- Large percentages of marriages have deficient and dysfunctional sexual relationships. Generally this is not enough sex. Often this is due to lack of skill by both parties, having the wrong attitudes toward sex and their mate, and relationship tension that has soured the rest of the relationship. This should be relatively easy to fix for those couples willing to invest a little effort and commit to changing and growing.
- Many middle-aged and beyond single women have given up on sex for various reasons. One common reason: Lack of satisfaction and proper attention by their former mates / partners.
- Men, starting around puberty, have a persistent craving for sex. One major reason for the "angry young man" syndrome is the frustration caused by always having a natural ache for sex without relief. Masturbation helps, but is not a substitute for human contact and not a total relief. Young men often have become distanced from their parents emotionally, hold their peers somewhat at arms length, and are awkward around the opposite sex. Sports and other activities can be a distraction and provide partial relief, however the desire often surges strongly.
- Women start with a roughly similar desire, but often feel the need to stifle this due to social and cultural pressure. And they are more often successful at doing so, probably at the root because of a slower physiological response, commonly able to satisfactorily substitute other activities and attentions to get the human interaction everyone requires. Common examples of this are raising children, pets, and emotional outlets like an enthusiastic preacher. Additionally, girls usually have a closer interaction with other girls than boys do with each other.
- Recently, it was noted that more monogamous societies strongly tend to be those with significant alcohol consumption. Excessive consumption also tends to dampen sex in relationships or serve to blunt the ache of sexual desire for singles.
- A significant percentage of humans have physical and other sexual characteristics that vary from the expected range. From memory, as much as 10%. These people have virtually no way to find compatible mates, including finding each other where the acceptance and compatibility would probably be best.
- Preventing STDs through limiting risky contact and safe sex is an important health goal. However, as has been noted by a popularly published economist [reference to be added later], more sex can be safer. Additionally, the mostly-hidden costs of chronic lack of sex may be more damaging overall than the STDs prevented.
- A sex-starved, emotionally immature and vulnerable man often has a difficult time resisting pursuing any inviting or possibly inviting opportunity. This is commonly known and exploited by women. A girl is conditioned and practiced from a young age to refuse or defend against unwanted sexual advances, usually starting before they are interested. Few men have ever had any significant experience being sexual gatekeepers. This doesn't mean that they shouldn't.
- Naturally, and commonly in most societies until the recent era, men paired with girls at about puberty. It is socially and, in most cases, legally unacceptable to do so in our society. This is correct and important for many reasons. However, it should always be kept in mind that there is a natural tension that should be constructively managed.
- Men engaging in nearly anything with underage girls should be held accountable. Clearly, some cases are horrible. In others, being branded for life as a sex offender seems overboard.
- Girls in these situations are, by definition, victims. Clearly, in many cases, they are victims in a strong sense, having been lured into situations, deliberately addicted to drugs, etc. It is common however for underage girls to flippantly lie about their age or to come on to men of any age because of the power, opportunity, or just because. Underage girls are not strongly and consistently warned what damage they can do to themselves and others through these actions.
- This lack of explanation and warning, coupled with avoiding perceived shame or parental reproach, sometimes also leads to underage girls claiming rape after the fact without thinking of the consequences for others. Real rape is often emotionally damaging, potentially leading to PTSD or other issues that sometimes debilitates girls for life. Even gray areas are something that boys and men should know to avoid. However, it is all too easy for a non-rape situation to be pulled into the spotlight in a way that immediately starts ruining lives.
- Teenagers are going to have sex with each other, at least in fairly high percentages. Trying too hard to prevent this will always turn out worse overall than providing modest pressure but not overreacting. Those teenagers who are reasonably experimenting and starting relationships should be guided and protected in rational ways.
- There is a spectrum of human to human interaction, from talking to doing activities with people to touching to hugging, kissing, and sex. Relationships range from family (parents, siblings, children), to professional work relationships, to acquaintances, to friends, to professionals (doctors, therapists, clergy), to dating partners, and spouses. Generally speaking, the most healthy people are those that have the whole spectrum of relationship types and interaction. To some extent, more of the less personal interaction can make up for less of the more personal interaction. Also, the need for deeper levels of interaction grows gradually with age and often fluctuates, sometimes drastically.
Given all of this, I believe it is clear that lack of sex is a mental health issue and something that should be directly improved. Sex is, fundamentally, a very simple thing. It doesn't take much effort or time, fundamentally requires no money, and is something nearly everyone can learn to participate in so that everyone is happy, satisfied, and closer to each other. It is sad that so many people are unhappy so often over such a simple thing. The various laws (though blue laws are finally now recognized as unconstitutional), taboos, social pressure, religious views, and ignorance are an unfortunate patchwork of mostly obsolete attempts to solve problems from the past, all of which either no longer exist (pregnancy and paternity uncertainty) or are much different than in the past. They are completely understandable, but not something we should feel bound too strongly to when we realize that things are not working.
There are a number of reasons why prostitution is usually illegal. It is especially damaging to the young who have not yet had a chance to start a healthy life and mutually beneficial relationship. Because it is illegal, it is further defined by very damaging patterns of pimping-based recruitment, abuse, drug involvement, exploitation including the skimming of most of the profits, etc. While some of this could be addressed, and some of it has been in some areas of the world, it will never seem healthy or good for young women in their peak to see that path as a healthy and constructive use of their lives. Observing the situation in areas with a lot of tourist travel and unlimited prostitution shows a seriously unhealthy capture of young, pretty girls by this dynamic that doesn't seem likely to turn out well for anyone. That said, there are plenty of women that dabble, often as slightly greedy dating, perhaps without becoming permanently ensnared. There is some large gray area where this becomes acceptable courting behavior, although that is also probably not healthy.
It should be recognized that there are a number of more or less acceptable partial solutions that provide commercial services to strangers, including hair cutting, manicure/pedicure, massage, strip / dancing ("peelers" in Canada). There are plenty of ways to be near people, in bars, sporting events, the gym, etc. It should also be recognized that these are only partial measures.
Solutions need to be found that allow people to pair up early and often. Preferably this is as mutually beneficial and long-term relationships. But even short of that, it should be considered a problem that people are not having full relationship and human to human interaction. Some will just not need or want it, which is fine. For the rest, a combination of education, transparency, and encouraging those that are available to help each other is a clear path to much greater overall happiness. This is the solution that will reduce the market for exploitation of girls. This is far easier to solve than trying to reduce the market for drugs. Although it may also do just that.
[1] CNN: Selling the Girl Next Door
